Why Would Anyone Care What I Think?

I find it hard to imagine anyone caring about my ideas of what’s going on in my life, and I need to move past that

Why do I write? 

There are many reasons, I guess. But the bottom line is I want people to want to read what I write. I want to believe my opinions and ideas are thought-provoking. That the topics I go into are interesting. That I have people who care about the things going on in my life because that means they care about me and what I go through. 

But ultimately, why do I bother? Surely, in the grand scheme of things, nothing I have to say matters, does it? 

Someone will have already said the same thing, but far better

I know I’m not the smartest person in the room. I’m not saying I’m stupid. I’m fairly widely read, and interested in a lot of topics. But this might be at least part of the problem. 

In school, I always felt like I was “pretty good” at everything while “excelling” at nothing. I was usually in one of the top two classes in my year for each subject, but never at the top. No one looked at me as the one to beat. None of my teachers thought of me as someone destined for greatness in the field. 

In a way, this is a pretty good place to be. I love having a wide range of interests and knowledge. But where this has left me is always feeling there will be someone around who is smarter than me. Whatever topic I’m talking about, a voice in the back of my head reminds me someone will have already said the same thing, but far better. That people are reading and rolling their eyes at how I think what I wrote was worth anyone’s time. 

Shouting into the void

Another thing that holds me back from writing is hating the idea of posting for the sake of posting. 

We all know people like that. The ones who will always post something simply for the sake of having said something, without caring if they actually had anything worthwhile to say. Or because they are playing the social media algorithms, and know they need to post something, anything to keep themselves at the top of our feeds. 

I want my posts to say something. To have an idea or point-of-view that needs sharing. To be on a topic people will find interesting. To have an intent behind it beyond simply existing. I hate the idea of being just one more person vainly shouting into the void with no intent other than the need for other people to hear that I exist. 

This is why I’m terrible at online networking. The whole idea of commenting on posts just to get your name into someone’s attention seems so intrusive to me. If I can’t think of some relevant or interesting point to say, I can’t bring myself to post. I never think that if someone does it to me, of course. I love that. The feeling that someone considers my posts worth commenting on, or just wants to say something because my attention is worth something to them. 

But people thinking the same thing about me? Why that’s complete nonsense!

Does the world need one more straight, cis, white guy giving out his opinions?

Let’s take a look at my demographic. Name a single adjective you can use to describe me that can't be attached to any of the people who've saturated in the media for the last century. 

Does the world need one more straight, cis, white guy giving out his opinions? 

People like me have held the floor in every debate for literal centuries. No matter the topic, white men have had the power, privilege, and opportunity to talk over every other voice. I’m lucky enough to live when this is beginning, at least in small ways, to change. People with more diverse voices are at last being allowed to step forward. And, more importantly, are finally being listened to. 

And I want to listen. There is so much I can learn from these different perspectives on the world. So much that I, and the rest of us, need to learn. 

But in this world of stepping back and letting other people have the floor at last, where does that leave me? What do I have to contribute that hasn’t been contributed by a thousand people just like me? How is my incredibly mainstream experience going to help educate others? 

A lot of people very similar to me take this worry and use it as a weapon, railing at the fact they don’t feel as secure in their place in the world as once they did. I don’t want to be one of those people. But that leaves me having to work out where my place is.

Points that I need to remember

At the end of the day, I write so that I will write. I enjoy it. And so I’ve drilled things down to three main points that I need to remember. 

1. My experiences are valid

Just because I’m another straight white guy, that doesn’t mean my experiences aren’t valid. I have a life and the right to live it. My emotions are real. And my interpretations of the world are just as important as any other. 

I’m trying to educate myself. I hope I’m living in a world where the amount of automatic privilege that comes to me will continue to diminish, and I end up only with the privilege I have earned. 

But if I have trouble working out where my place is in this new world, I only need to look at how other people like me are reacting to it. The white men who fight against progress. Who see attacks on racism and patriarchy as personal insults, rather than necessary societal change. The ones who refuse to admit they benefit from the system for fear of this being an admission of personal guilt. 

These are the people I need to talk to. People like me. People whose eyes aren’t open, not for any fault of their own, but because privilege is a hell of a drug. It's a person's own responsibility to educate themselves, but it is also hard to see what you need educating about until someone shows you. People don’t suddenly realise and change. They need to be shown the way and reassured when it’s scary.  

2. People care about me

Recently I started posting about my life more. I knew people were curious about things such as my polyamory and the separation. So I decided to share more about my life so those who didn’t feel comfortable asking me directly could get an update. 

And then, over Christmas, I was looking at my blog analytics for the last year and commented that these posts always did far better than any others. 

At which point my girlfriend looked at me and asked if I was often impressed by really obvious facts. 

Sometimes it’s hard to accept that people are interested in me and my life. They are my friends. Thinking no one cares is a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you don’t talk to people, how will they know what interesting things you’re doing. So they’ll never ask, and you assume they don’t care. 

So I’m going to be writing more about my life keeping up at least these weekly blog posts about my life. Hopefully, these will interest people. I worry that any sort of regular post schedule will lead to people losing interest. Maybe posts in the past got views out of novelty. 

3. I have something to teach

Do I have something in my life I feel is important, something outside of many people’s experience, that I feel others need educating about? 

Of course I have. 

I have spent a number of years working out what ethical non-monogamy and polyamory means to me. And in doing so I have spent a lot of time researching, thinking on the state of modern relationships and society's views on sex and sexuality. 

I have experiences a majority of others will not have had. At the very least, my writing about it gives people a chance to learn something new. But there also may be people who can actively benefit from my thoughts. People looking to find their own was in ethical non-monogamy. 

When it comes to sex and relationships I have strong opinions about how society refuses to face issues head-on. I believe there needs to be much better education on what these mean to us, and if I can be part of that then I’m doing some good. 

I need to embrace the idea that my experiences and ideas are valid

A lot of the reasons I put myself off writing, and actually posting that writing, can be summed up as poor self-confidence. That I’m not special, or the smartest. That people can’t possibly be interested or find any benefit in anything I have to say. 

But I have come to realise I need to embrace the idea that my experiences and ideas are valid. I might not be the smartest. I might not be creating groundbreaking revelations. I might not be the most fascinating writer. But I have a voice. I have something to say. I have a contribution to make. 

Some people might be interested, others not so much. I just have to remind myself that people don’t judge me as much as I judge myself.