So it’s been a year…
…and what a year it’s been.
I spent a little time figuring out what the exact point for “a year” should be. Should it be from the day I started tracking Covid infection rates for work? The day I started working from home? The day lockdown started? The day I was put on furlough?
I rapidly decided it wasn’t worth the time. There was no one, single moment when it all "happened". Let's just say "it's been a year".
Man, do you remember what it all felt like back then? That glorious weather? That belief that we’d all be back in the office in a few weeks? The feeling that those of us being put on furlough were the lucky ones, essentially getting free holiday?
Ah, the naïvety of youth.
For so long my friends and I have joked about how the concept of time has changed. How with no real structure in our lives, days start to lose meaning.
But, to be honest, it's more true than we're admitting. For a year now I've had no responsibilities. I've been free to do what I want (as long as it's inside the house). If I think about it, the smallest unit of time my subconscious mind recognises at the moment is the "month". There is no difference between days. I need the changes in the seasons to recognise time passing.
But it seems this anniversary really resonates with people. No one's been ignoring any of what's happening, but we've learned to avoid acknowledging the state of the world in our minds. The fact that it has now been a full year has forced us to acknowledge the full force of the truth. The changes we’ve been forced to accept. The long-term damage that has been done to our mental health, our relationships, and our economy.
Covid is no longer a blip. Not just an event that occurred and ushered into one way of living and into another. It's an ongoing period of time. Something that ended the way things were, but now has to be lived through before we can start to create the "new normal".
My year has been… mixed.
On the one hand, I’ve been incredibly lucky. No-one in my immediate circle has had Covid (or at least, didn't have symptoms), and those of my friends who did catching it pulled through without serious worries. I know just one person who got Long-Covid.
Luckiest of all, I’ve avoided Covid myself (although my bout with tonsillitis over Christmas had me worried).
That’s not to say I don’t know people who have lost loved ones over this last year. It's just that I have been lucky enough that the worst tragedy has been at arm's length.
On the other hand, my entire life has been irrevocably shaken up. My marriage ended. I've had to move out of the house I thought I’d be living in for years to come. I’ve moved back in with my parents. I’ve had to deal with my mental health collapsing.
Yes. I think "mixed" is the best I'm able to go with.
I want to stay positive. But I think the best I'm managing is bitter-sweet.
My original plan for this post was to list all the good from the last year. To acknowledge all the people and events that have kept me going. And there are plenty that deserve recognition.
But when I sat down and looked at the blank page, doing that just felt trite.
I felt like I was forcing something I didn't feel. Insisting to the world I was feeling better than I truly was. Draping a blanket of brittle happiness over the problems, and pretending I could ignore them.
Maybe I'll still do that post in the future. When things are in a better place, I want to celebrate all the good that has come out of this year. To make sure those who helped keep my head above water know they've been recognised. That's just not the post I'm writing today.
So what do I do instead?
Instead, I'm just going to acknowledge the fact that it’s been a year.
No platitudes about all the good things in life, but not dwelling on the bad things either.
Put simply, it is what it is.
Each of us has handled the situation in our own way. Some better, some worse. If you need to focus on the good, then do so. If facing the hard truths about the situation is better for you, then do that instead.
Only we can know the limits of our mental health. You do what you need to do.
One last point.
Over the next few weeks, it's going to be very easy to tell ourselves it's all over. The second wave is coming to an end, and at time of writing the vaccine rollout is seemingly running smoothly. As things begin to unlock, it's going to be easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the anniversary is a sign it's all over.
Don't fool yourself. We're not out of this yet. People are still dying. As we start going out - and believe me I'm as eager to get out there and start interacting with people as anyone else - the cases will rise again.
So just think. Remember that things were better last summer, as well.
Let's just be sensible, and maybe this will be the only anniversary we need to mark.
