Recommendation: “A World in Us” by Louisa Leontiades

The most relevant note from my read of this book is that it’s the first one I can remember since school where I’ve actually highlighted sections to refer back to later.

A World in Us is a memoir of two parts. The first is the actual story, depicting how the author and her husband came into polyamory and the soaring highs and crashing lows of their first relationship with another couple. The second is a commentary of sorts written several years later as a letter to the Leontiades’ younger self, going through each chapter in turn and commenting on what she has learned.

On the first level, this is simply a wonderfully written story about someone’s personal journey. What they went through to find who they were. These are four people discovering a new side to themselves, being willing to do something that doesn’t “fit” with societal norms because it’s what feels right for them, and learning things that a traditional, monogamous relationship would have never revealed. It’s honest, emotional, and at times brutal, but also beautiful and affirming.

The second level is as a guide for people newly exploring polyamory. Leontiades never shies away from the light or the dark of her experiences. There a moments both exciting and thrilling, and moments where she’s is emotionally crushed beneath the weight of everything. We are show the pure joy of discovering something that you didn’t know was missing in your life, but also the pain of trying to find your way in a lifestyle your upbringing never prepared you for.

The beauty of this story is its honesty. At no point does the Leontiades try to hide her own faults or issues and how they fed into the dynamic the four of them created. There are times that the others come off as the “bad guys” in situations, this is only because Louisa is our protagonist and so naturally the depictions of the other three are seen through her point of view. And this is effectively address by the author herself in the second half, where she reflects on the events of each chapter with the benefit of time, growth and reflection.

And this isn’t a piece of polyamory propaganda. We are simply presented with Louisa’s story, and are free to take away from it what we want. At no point does she argue polyamory is better or worse than monogamy. Only that both are valid options with their own benefits and pitfalls.

But through her honest depiction of her own experience, with all it’s failings and unaddressed issues, we are presented with the fact that this isn’t a gateway to a perfect life. It will be hard, and it my not be what we were expecting. But, if it fits your personality and you work on it, it can be a rewarding why to life your life.

Overall, if you are newly coming into polyamory I couldn’t recommend this book enough. Even if, like me, Leontiades’ situation doesn’t mirror your own there are so many universal learnings to take away from it.

Thank you, my friends.

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Last Friday I found myself on a rooftop bar in London. The night was warm. People were sitting, talking, laughing, kissing, singing, reminiscing, meeting. Some of the people I knew. Others I’d met just that night. Two of them were a couple of the most important people currently in my life. Only one of them I’d known for more than a year.

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And, looking around, I had the realisation that when it comes to friends, I’ve been, and continue to be, incredibly fucking blessed.

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As I’ve moved through my life I’ve met and interacted with so many different people. Some I’ve simply known, others I’ve made more of a connection with. And then I’ve moved on. Life moves forward. Some of those friendships have faded away while others have stayed with me.

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And the most important – the most amazing – part of all of this is that each and every one of these people has played a part in making me who I am. Every relationship. Each interaction, no matter how small, has shaped me. I’ve experienced love, loss, laughter, fear, anger, joy, discovery, every part of the human experience. And I’ve shared all of it with you.

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And as I looked around the rooftop on Friday I realised that I was surrounded by people I consider some of my closest friends, people I know well enough to call friends, and people I might never see again but who have the potential to become one of my best friends I have in the world.

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Just think about it. Every person in your life that you can’t imagine possibly being without was once a complete stranger you just happened to meet.

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How many of the people I met of Friday might I end up knowing for the rest of my life?

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There are so many things in life that are so close to us, so familiar and everyday, that we forgot how important that are. How much magic they hold. Our friends  are one of these things.

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So what I want to say here is thank you to you all. Thank you to every one of you I’ve ever called a friend. To anyone with whom I’ve ever shared an experience or an emotion. Whether we haven’t spoken in years, or if you’ve been by my side for for over a decade. Whether we were part of each other’s lives for years or just a single weekend. All of you are more important than I can say.

So important, in fact, that I rarely even register how important you actually are.